


Bitter Truth (Chris Evans x Reader)

by Steggy



Series: Tumblr Prompts [3]
Category: Chris Evans - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: F/M, Insert Fic, Not A Happy Ending, cursing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-27
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-29 13:19:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6376432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steggy/pseuds/Steggy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris knew he'd fucked it all up. He knew it, and he hated himself for it. He couldn't, wouldn't let it go. He missed you, fuck, he missed you. And then, as if by some miracle, you show up again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bitter Truth (Chris Evans x Reader)

**Author's Note:**

> (Y/N) is your name, prompt is in bold!  
> bother me on twitter @alyjevans or on tumblr @spangledcap & @poorcap

You had been on his mind for endless, endless days. On set, even when he was focused on delivering the right lines, at the same time, he was focused on you. You, you, you. It kept him up at night, laying in his hotel room, his phone unlocked and beside him with your number on the screen. Every night he thought about it. Calling you. But every time his thumb would hover over that call button, Chris would hesitate, sigh heavily, and go back to staring at the ceiling and wondering why he couldn’t gather up the courage to just say it.

Sebastian and Anthony had noticed. How Chris would disappear on breaks, slip into his trailer without a word. Not many others notice. Not when Chris put on a good show that he was fine. But they knew something was wrong. More times they most, when they investigated, they found him with his phone in his hand, your contact screen opened again. Sebastian normally tried to pull it away from him, Anthony would tell Chris to give it a rest. None of it worked. Chris couldn’t stop thinking about you.

You’d left weeks ago. He’d fucked it all up. He knew it. He would always carry that. All he had to do was call you every once in awhile, tell you he was okay. Ask if you were. All he had to do was _care_. But he’d let his mind get ahead of his heart. He’d stopped calling. When he did, it was only for a few minutes. He didn’t realize he was pushing away one of the best things to ever happen in his life. When you finally gave in and flew out on your own to see him on set, at first, he was thrilled. Everyone on set was thrilled to finally meet the girl Chris had talked about (but for some reason, as you would come to find out later, he’d stopped after a month into shooting). But by the end of the week, Chris was pulling away. Even on his breaks, he’d slip into his trailer with you, kiss you on the cheek, and leave. It wasn’t like him. But too afraid to find out what was going on, you ended it and got on your plane a day early.

You’d only been dating two months when that happened. Chris didn’t realize what he’d let slip through his fingers. Not until that next morning when there was no text. No call. Nothing, to wish him luck on set. To tell him you missed him. Nothing. Despite the lack of communication on his side, he didn’t realize how much he’d looked forward to those little things to keep him going.

Now, he wished he’d been more careful. He wished he wasn’t such a fucking meatball that had let the love of his life pass him by. He didn’t cry. Not anymore. But god, did he mourn you. Did he wish he would have been better. That he would have been what you deserved.

After a long day of filming, Chris returned to his trailer, mentally preparing himself for an equally long, sleepless night of hesitating to call you. What he didn’t expect was that soft “hello” that only your voice could manage.

His heart crashed into his stomach, eyes wide as he turned to face where you were, sitting on his couch. This couldn’t be real. You couldn’t really be here. His heartbeat thudded in his ears, fast, unable to say anything.

“Chris?” You murmured, concerned. You stood from the couch, slowly crossing the trailer over to him. He felt as if he might throw up. His head reeled. This wasn’t happening. You were so close he could practically _smell_ the perfume on your skin. The one he’d given you on Christmas, just two weeks after your first date.

Finally, he moved. He stumbled forward to meet you, eyes watering, wondering if by some miracle he was being given a second chance. But when you stepped back, his heart shattered all over again.

“Chris, Seb called me. He said I needed to come and talk to you.”

Chris stopped and stared at you, confused. Why would Sebastian have called you?

“Sit down.” Your hand brushed his arm, and Chris swore he was set on fire. But he obeyed and sat down on the couch, though you kept your distance when you sat down.

“(Y/N), I -” He choked on his words, unsure where to start, unsure how to word how sorry he was for everything he’d done.

“Don’t, Chris, please just… Don’t,” You sighed, shaking your head and placing your hands in your lap. “Look, I didn’t come here for myself. I came here because Seb told me you’re not doing well. And well, I have a lot of questions that I don’t have answers to, and if you have questions for me that I left unanswered and are bothering you and that’s why your friends are so concerned… You can ask those, too.”

His blue eyes watered all over again, but he forced himself to blink back the tears, his gaze falling to the floor. “Shoot,” He muttered.

“Why did you shut me out?”

It stung. There was no escaping it. Because he knew it was true. He’d shut you out. And he knew why. He knew perfectly why he did it. _**But the truth lodged, bitter tasting, in his mouth.** I was afraid I was falling in love with you._ Why couldn’t he just say it? What could it possibly hurt now?

You exhaled sharply, still holding some resentment towards Chris for putting you in the dark like this, for putting you in this situation. You were ready to walk out that door again when you saw the first tear roll down Chris’s cheek and into his lap.

“Chris…” You whispered, softer, leaning towards him. You carefully placed a hand on his shoulder, forcing him to look at you. Every part of him ached, hating himself more and more the longer he looked at you and remembered you weren’t his anymore.

“(Y/N), I just…” He started, stopping short and shaking his head. He squeezed his eyes closed, hoping to keep more tears from spilling out. “I was afraid. I-”

“Afraid of what?” You prompted, keeping your hand on his shoulder.

“Afraid that I was falling in love with you.”

Chris opened his now bloodshot eyes, looking at you intently, his gaze breaking your heart. It was out. There was no turning back now.

Sighing, you pressed, uncovering long buried pain with it, “I was falling in love with you, too. _But why did you shut me out?_ ”

Holding back a sob that was rising in his chest, Chris shifted and let your hand fall from his shoulder, and he put his face in his hands, mumbling brokenly, “I knew I was never going to love someone like I love you. I knew- I knew that if I let myself love you as strongly as I knew I was starting to, I was going to end up… I don’t know, I was going to fuck it up. I was going to lose you. And it looks like I was right.”

“You were afraid of losing me so you pushed me away.”

“Yes.”

“Do you realize how fucking _stupid_ that was? Fuck, Chris, I knew I loved you. I knew it the moment I met you. I knew I was going to love you. I wasn’t going to let you go.”

Another pang of pain struck his heart. Another round of tears threatened to spill down his cheeks. This only confirmed it. He fucked up. He fucked up so badly, and he couldn’t fix it.

“I fucked up, (Y/N), I fucked up, I know, and I wish I hadn’t. Fuck,” He broke into sobs, shaking, unable to look at you.

“Chris,” Your voice was gentle again, your own heart breaking all over again at the sight of him so vulnerable. So hurt. “Chris, look at me.”

It took all the strength he had to raise his head from his hands enough for his blue eyes to meet yours.

“I walked out that door all those weeks ago because I was falling in love with you, and it felt like you were falling out. I walked out that door and vowed never to come back because it would kill me to see you again, thinking you never loved me.”

He wanted so badly to reach out, to hold you like he used to, to kiss your skin, to tell you he loved you to make up for all the chances he missed to do it in the first place. But he held himself back and forced himself to listen.

“But Chris, I _moved on_.” Hearing those words tore a whole new hole in his heart. “We didn’t work, and that’s okay. But now you have to move on. Please, move on, Chris. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. It’s killing your friends to see you like this. When I heard about it, it killed me, too. I know right now you think that I don’t, but I care, Chris. It’s why I’m here, and it’s why I’m telling you this. _You have to move on_.”

Despite not wanting to hear it, Chris knew you were right. You always were. You always had been. He was just too stupid enough to see it. With his last ounce of strength, he nodded, the only signal he could give you to say that he understood.

Sighing heavily, you stood up and leaned down, kissing his forehead. “I still believe in you,” You said against his skin, your own eyes flooding with tears. This was it. This was the final goodbye. “I still believe in you, and when you’re ready, you know I’m a call away.”

And then you were gone again.

But this time, Chris had the closure he didn’t know he’d needed.


End file.
